I don't even know what to write tonight. I feel like writing something but can't find the right topic to hold my interest for longer than a few seconds. I need to go running tonight...it's already 9:46 pm....but I can't seem to find the motivation to do it. I feel wiped out today. So freakin sick of my job, it is insanely exhausting & I'm so sick of stress. Sick of alot of things lately.
I just want a job where I don't have to go to work 8 days in a row and make horrible pay. At LEAST if I was making enough to have a more comfortable life, it would kinda be worth it.
I feel so bad every night when I get off work at 6:30, pick up the kids & come home by 7---that is Noah's bedtime. He stays up for maybe 20-30 mins, if he stays up anymore he might just explode with tired insanity. Chris goes to bed at 8 so he isn't much later than that. That 10-6:30 shift breaks up my day so that I have no day. I mean, when I get up at 6am, the kids are up by 7 & I spend the whole morning making coffee, feeding the kids, dressing them, showering, makeup, hair, dressing myself, cleaning up.......ya know???? When does my quality time with my kids come into the mix???
No, instead they have to go 8 full days of hardly seeing mommy. It really breaks my heart. I'm losing quality time with my boys that I'll never get back. These months just keep flying by faster and honestly, I think it's because I'm constantly wishing for my 8 days to be up so I can see them & then after those few days off fly by....I'm back to wishing again.
This is hard for me to talk about because I feel like I whine about it alot....but it's so tough. If there were any other job, I would take it....but there's nothing and I don't even have time to look for another! We barely make enough to get by & it kills me that I waste so much time on problems that can't be erased. Maybe...just maybe if Leonel gets a good job after graduation, I can slow down a little...but that's at least a year from now, if not more. And that's if he finds a job.
We need so many things...but food barely makes its way into our budget so there's no way we can buy other things. This is so troubling for me & I'm glad I can type it out, helps a little. I just don't wanna miss my boys growing up. I don't want them to look back & remember mommy working all the time. I don't wanna miss all their school events, sports, etc.
I want to be able to ENJOY life. This is not what life is about. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm going to blog about because I do the same mundane crap all day every day.
I guess I've had enough of my pity-party. I'm gonna go force myself to take a run.