This wasn't the way things were supposed to be, not at all. This wasn't the way I EVER saw my life. I guess when I push away the anger, I have so much sadness for what our lives could have been & should have been. What our kids deserve & what they'll never have. I'll never again have someone who lives in my house that the kids can call "daddy". Now instead of ever planning our first vacation together, we are planning where the kids will be on a daily basis- daddy or mommy's house. Instead of holiday's spent together, I will spend the ones without my kids in tears. How can I have a real Christmas without them? It's so unfair. My dreams of going to school are slashed for now. Who knows when I'll have time to better myself. Here I am, working at Walmart, going nowhere.
Everyday life....I'm scared of it. You know how your husband stays home with the kids while you go to the grocery store or out with the girls or shopping just because you feel like it? This girl will be having none of that. You know how you can stay at home with your kids every day & still afford to get your nails done? You know how there's always someone there who can fix all the broken things, mow the grass, shovel the snow, take out the trash, kill the scary spiders, do the dirty jobs? Single moms don't have any of that. I've always had that & I'm not quite sure how I'll make it alone. I've never lived alone....I'm lost. I'm going to have a brand new baby & bring him/her home to a house with no one else to help me at night, no one to hold the baby because she's crying & the boys are fighting, no one to cry to when I feel like I'm at my wit's end in the middle of the night.
People say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever trust another man again. From the way I see it, all men are liars, cheaters & bullcrap speakers. They say what you wanna hear, they don't mean what they say, they can lie right to your face without blinking an eye. It's a scary world out there. If you're the proud wife of a loving, devoted husband, please don't take him for granted. There are so many of us who have been trampled on & used who can only dream of something so great. Maybe one day I'll have something like that, or maybe not. I know most 24 year old men probably don't want to get very involved with a young mom of 3 kids. I mean....c'mon.
This was my pity party, I just needed to get it out. If you can relate, please comment. I know I'm not the only one.
